Deadpool's Little Camp Champ
by AlmightyLordPhlebotium
Summary: This is a pure crack fic that I wrote while extremely hyperactive. This isn't meant to be serious, so just read and enjoy.


Christy was walking through the dark forest. She lost John and Dawn and, in hindsight, running home across 200 kilometres wasn't a wise idea. Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her.

"You are the camp Champ, aren't you?" said the freaky red guy.

"No, I'm not." Said Christy.

"Well you could've fooled me."

"Who are you?"

"Well, I'm from the camp on the other side of the river. Say! You wouldn't want to be the Camp Champ, would ya? I could fix it for you. What do you say?"

"Well, I don't know."

"There's only one catch, though."

"I knew it was too good to be true."

"Not so fast. It's no big deal. Sometime I'll drop by and ask you to return a favour. And you just...do it. No questions asked. What do you say?"

"Ah, you can't make me Camp Champ."

"Oh, no?"

"Sure! Okay! You got a deal. Now go ahead and make me Camp Champ." Christy begged desperately.

"A favour now..."said the red guy while raising his hand to snap his fingers "for a fav-AAAAH"

-DarkHeart screamed as a guy in red spandex suit and a mask cut his arm off with a katana. "sorry babe, but I can't let Dark Heart over here go Edward Cullen on yo ass."

"YOU JUST CUT HIS ARM OFF YOU FREAK!" screamed Christy.

"He can re-grow it. So can I." Deadpool said as he cut his own arm and put it back. "Hey, look babe, Darky has his arm back."

"I SHALL TORTURE YOU FOR ETHERNITY!" Dark Heart said as his eyes glowed and he levitated.

"Oooh, neat powers, Red! Let's see, you shapeshift and use dark scary powers. Hmmm" Thought Deadpool before teleporting away and coming back with adult versions of Beast Boy and Raven from DC Comics Teen Titans. "Hey guys, I found your long lost son."

"Father?" said Dark Heart in confusion "Mother? It is you!" as his parents hugged him.

"We, like, totally found our little dude!" Said Beast Boy Man.

"We love you son, but you are in so much trouble, young man" said Raven sternly "look what happens when you don't meditate. You commit Care Bear genocide and exploit stupid girls."

"Hey!" said Christy indignantly.

"Ok, say hi to Deathstroke for me!" said Deadpool as he teleported the family back to DC Comics.

"As for you, young lady" he said while towering over Christy "your training starts tomorrow. I'll make a camp champ out of you yet. And one more thing" he said while giving her a pepper spray "use it on any pervert that touches your ass. Ah! Not me, kid!" he clutched his eyes after Christy pepper sprayed him and ran away.

Back in the camp, Christy met the twins

"HEY CHRISTY HEY CHRISTY" the twins said in unison "YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHERE WE WENT. THERE WERE A BUNCH OF CUTE CLOURFUL ANIMALS AND THEY TOLD US THAT YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A CAMP CHAMP AS LONG AS YOU HAVE FRIENDSHIP AND CARING!"

"Outta my way, dorks" said the current Camp Champ while pushing the twins aside.

"On second thought, homicidal freaks aren't so bad" thought Christy.

Next morning.

"Look who came back, little miss I'm-Too-Good-For-Training." Said Deadpool while reclining on a branch.

"Whatever. I'm really-really-really and all that shit. Sneaking past the councillors was very hard, though." Answered Christy

"Aw, they're too busy having sex to care. In fact, some retard named Jason Voorhees drowned in this camp while they were boinking. Now his hockey-masked zombie corpse kills people with a machete." He stopped while Christy stared in annoyance "But don't let that scare ya, kid. Oh, the training. We'll start with jogging, do some stretching, and practice martial arts. Off we go!" he said as both of them started jogging.

A few weeks later...

"I am the champion I am the champion no time for losers...that's you, Chin-Boy. A LOSER" Shouted Christy into the former Camp Champ's face "and I'm a champion like Freddy Mercury from Queen. Except I don't have a moustache. Or balls. Or dying from AIDS like he did during the recording of 'The Show Must Go On'. I'm fuckin BADASS!"

"Hey bro" said Dawn "is it just me, or Christy is not herself"

"She is meaner than usual" said John.

"Hey, guys, the little green boxes are telling me to buy tacos. Who's up for some Mexican?" said Christy before walking away humming the song 'Fat Bottomed Girls'.

"Actually" said John to his sister "I like the new Christy more."

The End


End file.
